Failure to Launch

I wonder about the state of the black community sometimes. Like why Tyler Perry is so god awful and why ignorance is often embraced more than shunned. I wonder these things because of one reason. These females ain’t choosing a nigga.

Ok, so I might sound like a hater….SO. i can hate all I damn well please. It’s my hatred and I shall place it wherever I deem fit. 

All you hear females scream is how they need a man who got a job, got goals, and ambition. You find that guy usually hidden somewhere in the catacombs, commonly known as the friend zone.

I know about that place. More times than a few I have been there. It ain’t cool and its unfair to the guys who think they really have a chance to break that barrier. 

Niggas hate hearing about who that girl is humping, who she went out with, what guy she feeling, but you know what they do. They listen, and wait, and listen, and wait. Thinking that somehow her opinion that was formulated in the first 15 mins of knowing them is going to change. Sad news bruggy, it won’t. 

You took her to prom. Know her family members like your own. You have shared phone conversations, texts, and even one kiss, but you always going to be “Pook” from next door who cute but just ain’t her type.

Which then makes you question yourself. Makes you think what in the hell is wrong that this girl cannot feel you and what you have to offer. The truth is, it is you and her. You aren’t compatible on that level. I didn’t think that was possible. Not with the things you and said girl have in common, and them special times you share. But honestly, she may not see a future with you. 

Its easy for me to say this and I have fell into Simpdom plenty a time. It seems that we are gluttons for punishment. Some guys aren’t born with enough dog in them. You can’t just decide “not give a fuck about these hoes”. You cant just learn how to ignore that call or hold your feelings, so you will continue to lose the battles until you find the one who is able to reciprocate those feelings and actually like that creepy behavior.

its hard for us to accept that some girls just wanna have fun. And while you may not be a bad looking guy, or have the most charming personality, these hoes just wanna do what they wanna do. It may not be easy for them to just come out and state that from the jump, or maybe they do we just ignore it in hopes of wooing someone out of their decisions, but we have to live and let live.

Its somebody out there for you my simping brothers. When you find the one, you’ll know it. When I find the one, I’m going to get married quick so she stuck with my ass.



The Curious Case of the Broke Nigga Hustle

Being broke isn’t something to be ashamed of. Most of us are. Not like Eddie Caine stranded at the airport doing Jaunty tunes on the Road to Rupert, but like not  comfortable enough to go blow off 15 hundo in mall and not feel it. I work. I have a kid, and I have bills. I do alright. I’m comfortable, but I’m not balling. Most niggas ain’t. So why do we feel we have to portray that image? 

Niggas out here working, getting just enough to pay the rent in the oversized apartment he need three other roommates to afford, then falling off in the club buying oversized and over priced bottles from the bar tryna stunt. Next morning, light folks at the door ready to black out ya existence. That’s ballin tho. 

I mean check out these cats out here tryna hustle just to go to BYOB parties with a case of Corona. You losing, bruggy. What have you accomplished today. Did you buy ya baby pampers? Did you eat a proper meal? Did you pay something, anything on a bill. Nah cuz fuck bills, you don’t have em. You float from house to house. Delusional hoodrat to hoodrat, laying your hat where ever you please and inviting all ya other broke homeboys over to play 2k and eat up all her children snacks and hot dogs. 

That is fly shit tho, huh? I feel ya, must be nice. What’s crazy is the women allow it tho.They allow you to limit your growth as a man because they “ride for they niggas.” She don’t care you steal out her purse. You needed it. She don’t care you and ya boys fucking up her freshly cleaned carpet. Turning her candles into ash trays. You gone lay good wood to her and everything gone be alright. Female X is probably dumber than you. But I’m not judging.

Here’s what I’ma do tho. I’ma go to work every day, ride a forklift and chill for 12 hours. Come home good. Go to sleep, do it all again. Sounds boring and repetitive but i’m making my way. I don’t have shit to worry about.

Stability is key.

I’m not where I wanna be yet, but I ain’t yall. So I consider that winning. 


Love, Hoes, And Future Whack Ass

I hate love. It’s stupid and it’s momma ain’t got no arms and she tryna throw a fit. 

Throw in the fact that these hoes hell, and you got double trouble. I don’t understand the opposite sex. Then again we are not supposed to, but at some point you figure that somehow, someway, these chicks would make a fraction of sense and do something other than what they been doing cuz that shit aint working. 

If you a hoe, don’t approach me as if you a good girl who just know bad niggas. You a hoe who keep fucking with niggas who know you a hoe. It’s that simple. How you expect me to respect you when one of your selling points for getting me was, “I sucked that last nigga dick so good, he left his old lady.” Bitch, you lost. He won. He left his old lady, got some head and went home. You still in the crib with yo roaches and ya fat ass homegurl who waiting on her tongue to heal from her piercing so she can “suck some dick.” 

How you ain’t a hoe but you pride yourself on taking someone’s man. You ain’t a hoe but you got a notebook with every nigga you smashed and a grade by his name. Noooo, you ain’t a hoe but when asked about your favorite position you reply,” from experience, most small forwards can fuck.” You a hoe.

You ain’t got to wave yo hoe flag, run around all brimming with hoe pride. But just be honest with these sucker ass niggas who aint wise enough for your ho-ish ways. Tell the nigga, “look i like dick, we can fuck, but it aint nun.” Don’t be telling these niggas you want a family and you gone give him $1200 when ya income tax come. It aint been but a week, how its that serious?

I don’t disrespect women, but gul…you the worse kind. You the type of chick set out for five dollars you ain’t even know was the negotiated price until the lights come on you been ran thru and find the crumbled ones at the foot of the bed. You shrug it off and look at it as a win cuz you fucked some known niggas. We talk bad about you cuz yo unaware ass just fuck a nigga in the crew who aint got pussy since Fred was stopping his car with his feet. 

You a hoe. Own it. You owe yaself that. You owe the government gratitude tho. How else could you afford to be so damn ho-ish.

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